It was a jarring admission for a post-fight press conference, a fighter alluding with a laugh to an attempted murder charge.
“He was aware of my legal troubles and said to Juliana Miller, ‘Hey! Did you really do that to him?’ Juliana Miller spoke about her MMA coach.
“He heard about my legal troubles and he said, “Hey, did you really try to do that to him?” Juliana Miller said of her MMA coach.
“As I went pro, people kept asking me, ‘Who’d you try to kill,’ and I was like, ‘Mmm, eff that person,’ so now I’m just a killer, and all of that is history.”
Juliana Miller had just won The Ultimate Fighter 30 and was as happy as you’d expect after six weeks in near-isolation that led to a UFC contract. This admission suggests a darker past than what she described in her show.
There’s definitely some skeletons. Miller discussed this week’s episode of The MMA Hour. None of them, however, are of the variety that might lead to an extended stay in state prison. The reference simply marks the time she said enough is enough and learned how to fight back.
Then, she was dubbed an “amateur killer” for the time she didn’t fight back and lost quite physically to an abusive partner.
Now she’s a complete-fledged killer. But to be clear, not the kind you’d meet on the street — one you’d be unfortunate to face in the octagon, where she’s headed full-time after stopping Brogan Walker on the TUF 30 finale at UFC Vegas 59.
For Miller, it boils down to one simple truth.
“If we’re in a cage, I’m going to try to kill you,” she said. If it’s either kill or be murdered, then I will go for it. If there is a bear on my back, it’s not something I would do. I would rather stand up to this bear, face-to-face, and say ‘bring it,’ and shoot my shot and go for it as opposed to kind of running away.
” I don’t live in fear so my coaches said, “Yeah you’re now the killer .'”
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“They” is the coaching staff that turned her from a depressed, angry 20-something into a professional MMA fighter. Manolo Hernandez, from San Diego’s Team Hurricane Awesome came on stage to help her explain her nickname. She left at least one reporter scratching her head.
On the show, Miller said she’d started fighting because she’d grown up in a violent household, faced her abusive relationship, and wanted to fight back “without getting arrested.”
“What I said at the end of my fight was mostly just a joke,” she said. “No big connections. “I’m not ready to talk too much about that story. They did background checks on me when I applied for Ultimate Fighter . I was required to disclose certain details about my life that I don’t believe were important.
“I think self-defense is the most important, but to open the can of worms of all that, I’m not really prepared for it yet, because honestly, I want to make everything about me [instead of] about something that I went through with somebody else.
“It was a joke, and probably not too funny. It’s not possible to make fun of that. So here we are .”
The most important thing Miller can say about that time in her life was that it changed her forever, gave her the ability to be resilient, and gave her purpose and passion in life.
“I was not in a good relationship and there was an altercation, and I just didn’t know how to defend myself, period,” she said. There was certainly domestic violence at that time. We were all little raver children, drinking heavily, and people were intoxicated. It’s not personal. It’s usually because people have chemicals. People don’t act themselves because they are drunk or blacked out.
“It was my first altercation. I didn’t defend myself and I still remember thinking, “Nobody’s going to ever touch me like that again .'”
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Miller has made peace with her family after a “roller-coaster” childhood of poverty and violence inside and outside the house. Her self-defense classes are open to both men and women. She’s put herself on the path to becoming a UFC champion, even though there’s still a long ways to go on that front.
If Miller has any message for those who’ve watched her journey on the show, it’s that they shouldn’t recoil from traumatic moments but lean into them.
And, of course, to fight back. You should never be forced to answer without an explanation.
“I don’t care if I’m in a fight with somebody — for you to get your arms around my neck and squeeze is going to be a very difficult task, because I’ve spent my life training for these situations, especially going back to my youth,” she said. Twelve years ago I was an outsider, crouching on the couch all day and every day. It was very depressing. I had no clue where my future was heading. For me to pick myself up, get my head on straight, say, ‘I’m going to do something with my life,’ really means that if I can do it, anyone can.
” As embarrassing as that may sound, I am proud of the accomplishments I have made. It’s possible to overcome so much and still be an inspiration to .”
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