With the back-to-back morning start time events, we had to put Hot Tweets on hold, but now that the UFC is back to its regularly scheduled programming, so are we. A lot has gone on in the past couple of weeks, with more to come tonight, so let’s talk about all of it, plus one of my favorite insane things to debate at the end.

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The rematch

Tonight, Julianna Pena puts her bantamweight title on the line against Amanda Nunes after taking the belt from her at UFC 269 last year. Not a lot of people picked Pena to win that one, but I’m one of the few who did — and I’ve got receipts. And the reason I did is simple: Pena is a horrible style matchup for Nunes.

You may read the full fight breakdown here. The short version of Pena’s battle against Nunes is Pena’s endurance, pressure, pace and tenacity. Because of her physical abilities, Nunes is able to dominate her opponent and can smother the ones she cannot. Pena allowed her to do neither, because Pena has a rock for a head and she creates action, one way or another. This forced Nunes into a fight that she was uncomfortable with and couldn’t win for long-term because her strengths in gas tank, durability, and endurance are not theirs. Although I’m not sure if Pena will be able to force Pena into a similar fight again, Nunes is aware of the dangers she faces. However, Nunes appeared far too confident in her fight against Pena. We’ll see if this time around she learned her lesson.

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If Julianna Pena wins again

Things will be more fun if she wins again. That’s what always happens when a dominant champion loses — there’s a period of turmoil while the division sorts itself out. In this instance, Ketlen Vieira will get the next crack at Pena, and that is 100-percent a fight that Vieira can win. Holly Holm, or maybe Valentina Shevchenko will follow Vieira. Then there’s a list of other bantamweights out there that haven’t fought Vieira or Pena and they’ll be able to get in line. The division will open up and be fun again. Look at what is happening right now in light heavyweight! This division has never been more competitive, as anyone could win the title before the end of this year. The title is up for grabs.

Chaotic divisions are one of the most fun things about MMA, and if Pena proves the first win was no fluke, 135 has a real chance to be tossed in the blender for awhile. Or Pena could become a new dominant force in the division. It’s sure to be fascinating.

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If Amanda Nunes wins

If Nunes wins, the same thing happens as if Pena wins: Ketlen Vieira gets a title shot. There will likely be calls for a third, depending on her win. But the overall vibe is that Nunes was a mistake and it’s now back to business. Vieira will be the first to get the shot, and Pena will face Holly Holm. If Pena wins that one, then they can do the trilogy.

As for the cutting a division, there’s zero chance they’d cut 135 before 145. 145 is not a real weight class, in part because it hasn’t been built, and 135 is the marquee women’s division. I have always been mildly intrigued by the idea of “women’s heavyweight” just being any weight above 125 pounds, but that’s never going to happen either. The UFC is going to hold onto 145 until Nunes retires, at which point it will vanish like the lightweight division once did. C’est la vie.

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Amanda Nunes’ 145 run

It 100-percent did more good, for a few of reasons. It allowed her to be a champion in two divisions. While I don’t hold multiple titles in the same esteem as others, it is undeniably impressive to be the first woman’s MMA champion at two weight. Second, and tied to the first part, it let her fight Cris Cyborg, which aside from making her a bundle of money, functionally cemented her as the top pound-for-pound fighter in WMMA and the GOAT. Lastly, it kept her busy; 135 pounds is a pit of woeful despair when it comes to contenders, and so instead of fighting a litany of rematches, Nunes got to face a Megan Anderson and Felicia Spencer, solid wins on the resume.

The only real arguments against the 145 sojourn are that it may have made making 135 more difficult, and that if she had stayed at 135 the entire time, she’d have more title defenses of that belt, for record purposes. I truly don’t think the cutting weight thing matters at all, and while I’m a huge proponent of title defenses as a signifier of greatness, Nunes has seven total title defenses of two belts, which is still excellent.

There is a reason Nunes says she would like to defend her belts tonight. It’s because it’s more cash, more opportunities, and better options.

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UFC 277 Prelims

They aren’t great, there’s no question about that. Fortunately, the main card is exceptional and that’s the one we’re having to shell out the $75 for, so I’ll take that exchange any day of the week. There is a good chance that there will be a lot more finishes tonight on the undercard. Although the matchups might not have any name value, many of them look ready for action. Let us hope, anyway.

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Dastardly genius

First, let me say that I’m horrified at how intrigued I am by it. We started talking about it earlier this week and it’s been in my head ever since, because the real answer is: I have no idea!

Paddy Pimblett is a monstrously huge star, and people like that bend betting lines. Because the public loves Pimblett and places money on him, he has become a more popular favorite than he should have in every fight. But as a result, I could see this line be much closer than people think. Especially since Tony Ferguson hasn’t won a fight since beating Donald Cerrone in 2019. My gut tells me that Ferguson still opens as a decent favorite though, in the -210 range.

As for the matchup, I kind of think it’s perfect. Pimblett is a huge star and Ferguson rides the line between tough matchup and big name very well. The issue with Paddy is that a loss could end all the fun, and so having him fight steps up in competition runs a high risk of ending the party too soon. Ferguson, an ex-interim champion and star himself, would be able to explain that a loss wouldn’t derail Pimblett but is too early for him. He will be elated if he wins. And make no mistake, I wouldn’t favor him to win, but he absolutely could. Ferguson’s career is on the downswing and Pimblett, a great grappler, is already in decline. There’s a world where he takes “El Cucuy” down and just smothers him.

Honestly I hope that this fight is their next.

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Petr Yan vs. Sean O’Malley

Absolutely flawless matchmaking.

For one, it’s like O’Malley said himself, there really was no one else to book him against. The rest of the top 15 all have dance partners or are injured, so in some ways this books itself. The UFC offers a chance to become a real superstar from a business perspective. Yan will win, so it is no harm. Yan is a former champion, a guy some people still think is the best in the world, and he’s expected to win. Yan performing Yan tasks to O’Malley will not hurt the “Suga” stock in any way.

But if O’Malley wins? He’s a star on the rise. O’Malley is already one of the more popular fighters in the UFC — a win over Yan will cement him as a legitimate top talent, and you can put the boosters on him because he’s going straight to the moon. Here’s the secret: O’Malley can actually win this fight!

Yan has a slow start and builds momentum throughout the fight. That style is much more effective in five-round fights, and with only 15 minutes, there is absolutely a world where O’Malley uses his length to pick Yan off early or out-point him for the first two rounds. Again, it’s not the most likely outcome, but definitely in the range of possibilities.

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Fighting animals

You might be surprised to hear that I have spent an unreasonable amount of time debating this question (or substantially similar ones), and while I have some controversial opinions (I’ll get to those shortly), mostly I think my views can be objectively agreed upon.

But this?

Some of them were so bad it kept me awake at night. A moose would not “whoop me decent,” it would obliterate my body with alarming alacrity! A moral victory is implied by “whoop me decent”. As in I’d lose but could make it the full 15 minutes. Moose are 6 feet tall and weigh over 1,000 pounds! The best I’m doing against a friggin’ moose is bleeding in its eye and giving it an infection after I’m dead. So, in light of this, and because I can do what I want, I will be ending this week with the appropriate tiering here.

My Lunch: Penguin, Turtle, Beaver.

This category includes all animals I am substantially larger than others and that can fly, but aren’t particularly quick. Platypus might be considered under these parameters. However, they have a poisonous spur which makes it difficult to kick them. Any bird that can fly isn’t “My Lunch” because I don’t have wings or a goddamn jet pack, so while it might not be able to kill me, I’m going to struggle to kill it too. Fish are the interesting one because the battle dynamics determine the winner. Underwater? I have zero shot. On land, any fish has zero shot. Venue will decide out fate.

Whoop Them Decent: Duck, Flamingo, Vulture, Raccoon, Aardvark

For simplicity’s sake, I’m putting the flying animals here because if they cannot fly, I win convincingly, but they still would suck to fight. Have you ever met a pissed off duck? They’re very unpleasant.

Fair Fight: Dog, Hyena, Wolf, Badger, Gazelle, Fish, Octopus, Shark, Orca, Dolphin

This will be the most difficult tier, but I feel the best in it. Dogs, hyenas, and wolves are all basically the same animal, and if you’re only taking on one and not a pack, it’s a 50/50 fight. You will get hurt, but you can’t deny that you’ll be hurt. And if it’s life or death, I think most people can hold their own with a dog/wolf/hyena.

As for the aquatic animals, it’s as mentioned before: Venue matters. An orca stands no chance against me in the middle of the Sahara, and I stand no chance against a great white in the ocean. Even stevens.

Given our immense size advantage, the badger could be one tier below us, however, out of respect for honey badgers’ fearlessness, we bump him here.

The gazelle. This is the one I have the most questions about but I defaulted to the view that humans have been persistent hunting gazelle (or similar) for thousands of years, and so I’m calling this one even. Willing to be called wrong on this one though.

Whoop me Decent: Alligator Komodo Dragon Snake Ostrich Warthog Warthog Llama

All of these animals should win in a fight against a person, but there is at least a path to victory for the human.

Steve Irwin made a career of fending off gators and that’s at least replicable, though killing it still seems a tall order bare-handed. The Komodo Dragon is a similar animal to me. It is important to support it.

Although tapirs don’t really make violent animals, they are a lot more than us and weigh several hundred times as much. Same for llamas. Although warthogs can be aggressive, they’re not as big or smarter than us. There’s some small hope of a win.

Ostriches are a tough out, but you can find videos of people subduing them without tools. It is the weakest point.

Snakes is the big open category. It’s either a hard fight or death depending on which snake you are fighting. It feels more often that the snake wins.

Certain Doom Bears, Lions, Elephants, Big Cats, Baboons, Rhinos, Gorillas, Rhinos, Hippo, Zebras, Walruses, Giraffes, Deer

You can’t win a fight with your hands alone and you will be ripped to pieces. Thank God we figured out pointed sticks, because the world really would have annihilated us a long time ago had we not.

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Thanks for reading and thank you for everyone who sent in Tweets! Do you have any burning questions about things at least somewhat related to combat sports? Then you’re in luck, because you can send your Hot Tweets to me, @JedKMeshew, and I will answer them! Doesn’t matter if they’re topical or insane. You can send them to me, and I will answer those I love the most. Let’s laugh.